Sometimes it is difficult to strike up a conversation with a girl you like, shyness and fear of rejection interfere. What to do in this case – says psychologist Polina Glinskaya.
It so happens that at first glance, positive qualities sometimes interfere with starting a relationship. It’s about modesty and shyness. And if modesty in itself is attractive, then the shyness firmly associated with it hides in fact an abyss of problems.
We all know this, right? When you try to speak with the object of adoration, your throat catches, your eyes lead to the ground, the words disappear, and instead of them a timid bleating is heard. The worst thing is that you don’t know at all where to put your hands. One time, another – the already small reserves of self-confidence melt like ice cream under the hot sun. And on this fertile ground pickup schools are growing. So what happens and what to do if you are wildly shy to communicate in general, and with the opposite sex in particular. We are recommended to use on;y proven websites like GoDateNow for ukraine dating online. This is one of the most popular sites.
The main reasons for shyness when establishing relationships with the opposite sex, identified by experts, are as follows:
- errors of education and development of communication skills. Remember how often you were pulled up, shut up, spoke on your behalf in your presence? The same reaction develops when comparing a child with siblings, the son of a mother’s friend, with geeks from TV. Or maybe the parents generally closed in on themselves and, apart from “I ate – I did my homework – I put on clean socks – go to sleep,” they did not betray other emotions. As a result, the function of communication, especially if it is reinforced by the constraint of one’s appearance, is cut to a minimum;
- fear of rejection. Its origins are in unsuccessful first attempts, of course, as well as in banal self-doubt (see the reasons above);
- genetic predisposition, defects in appearance.
To overcome these barriers, and still learn how to start a relationship, you need to think hard. It is clear that shyness is shyness, and the hormonal background is seething, what kind of thinking is there. But nonetheless. First of all, after another failure, observe yourself and your shyness and try to remember – where did this self-doubt come from? Did your family influence you or did you naturally get such a heavy load? If the property is acquired, then remember what exactly influenced you the most – ridicule, mockery, upbringing, failure. You can take it and put it in writing. Well, if there are people who support you, discuss it, talk it over with them. Having sorted out the reasons, decide whether you can cope with them by willpower or you still have to turn to a psychotherapist.
A good remedy for this scourge is simple communication. Force yourself to communicate – say hello, talk on neutral topics in transport, shops, parks. Be among people as much as possible and often. It is necessary to expel the inner beech, because it will not give you life.
Watch your body. His language also says a lot to the subject of communication, and self-doubt, communication problems create muscle clamps – shoulders raised to the ears, head down, stoop, and so on. Work with them, find and relax these areas.
One of the important points that you need to clarify in case of fear of rejection is to find out for yourself what you expect from this communication, what you want to receive. Big and pure love or understanding and friendship? Or maybe just show yourself once again that you are worth nothing? The fact is that you deny yourself – no matter how paradoxical it is. This girl she didn’t like laughed at you and smoothly retired into the sunset, it was you who rejected some part of yourself that, as you think, cannot be shown to outsiders, and the expectation of rejection was written on your body in full growth. And it worked.
In this case, it is best to think carefully again. Remember your luck, any – what feelings? At that moment, you loved yourself, felt self-respect, right? Once again, approaching the “victim” for the experiment with communications, remember these moments. It will definitely show up in your eyes. And help you show your best side.
It is also very useful to laugh at yourself, to state in a conversation that you are clumsy and inexperienced, shy and insecure. Laugh, approach with a smile – this will give you the expected confidence, allow you to accept those parts of your personality that you are ashamed of.
Train on cats. I mean, the same goes for cats. It’s about compliments. Collections can be found on the Internet, learn by heart. And express on occasion and without. And even if the expressed compliment did not please the interlocutor, this is also an experience.
If mother nature, illness or other factors have left a mark on your appearance and health, this is not a reason to withdraw into yourself. Nick Vuychich to help you. In fact, examples of the experience of other people who have overcome physiological barriers, which constant pain, injury and other hardships do not interfere with building proper communication not only with the opposite sex, but with the whole world, are very useful to watch. There are plenty of such motivational videos on the Internet.
What not to do
Do not think that virtual communication will replace live communication. Yes, correspondence, establishing relationships online is inevitable in our time, but sooner or later you will want to meet, and then what?
Do not use alcohol or other psychoactive drugs. They are bad go-betweens, they will trip you up, talk all sorts of nonsense, and in the end they will leave, leaving poisoning, hangovers and a bad reputation. Working on yourself requires a sober head.
Do not try to copy media personalities. They also do not make themselves, and you probably do not have millions for a crowd of image makers. The road will be mastered by the walking one. Even small steps. Good luck.
